God of second chances....

One of the most important lessons I taught my children was that you apologize less for the sake of the other person than for your own inner healing.  That goes double for offering up forgiveness.  By forgiving, you allow your heart to heal, and you are freed to make a different choice next time, unfettered by the mistakes of the past.

The disciples were often as confused about how to apply the lessons of Jesus to their lives as we are.  How do you forgive someone who has wronged you greatly?  How do you overcome the anger, the hurt, the pain caused by someone who put their own wants over our best interests?  And how many times do you forgive before you say, "I have had enough.  I am finished."

Peter asked Jesus that very question, how many times must we forgive someone who has wronged us, when Jesus was teaching how to resolve conflicts with other believers.  Jesus gave him an unexpected response, one which Peter had trouble understanding.  In Matthew 18:33, Jesus told Peter,

"No, not seven times," Jesus replied, "but seventy times seven!" (NLT)

When we are angry with someone, it eats away at our heart and soul, slowly siphoning the joy out of each day.  Jesus knew that by offering forgiveness as many times as it is required, we offer ourselves the opportunity to live in God's will and way, and be restored to him.

Failure to forgive comes at great cost to us.  This distance, this divide between people, also puts a barrier between God and us.  When we are harboring hatred or anger for another of God's children in our hearts, we cannot come to him with pure thanksgiving and praise.

Christians are not required to forget how we have been treated, nor are we required to accept the unacceptable.  Sometimes, when the person refuses to change or stop hurtful or damaging behavior, forgiveness is about letting go of our own hurt along with the relationship, and accepting that is also part of God's plan.  God wants us to practice the same forgiveness he has offered us, and to offer that same forgiveness to others with the same loving kindness he has shown us.  Just as he will not force us to accept his gift, we cannot control the choices made by others.  It is truly not about them, it is about what is found in our own hearts and minds.

There is one additional step I have been thinking about in the last few weeks, a step I have had trouble applying to my own life.  Forgiveness is not just for other people.  We also have to forgive ourselves for misplacing our love and trust in someone unworthy, and then to have the faith and the courage to test the healing we have gained by giving ourselves a second chance.  This is a much more difficult task than forgiving someone at arm's length, because it involves risking our trust in ourselves.

I am the queen of second chances.  (Some people call me a doormat, but I would say a "Welcome" mat is more like it.)  I usually give people many opportunities to try again.  God gives me endless chances, and that is how I show my thankfulness for the loving gift he has given to me.  It seems like the least I can do for the one who has forgiven me for every sin, big and small, that I've ever committed.  But myself?  That's another story.

This has been brought home to me unexpectedly in several ways the last few weeks.  After several unrelated experiences, it gradually became clear to me that my biggest stumbling block to forgiveness might just be me.  It was a surprising revelation, and I've struggled with understanding how to deal with the implications for my life and my own faith journey.

I am ineffective at forgiving myself for my imperfections and mistakes, especially when my failures have caused hurt and pain to those I love most deeply.  It is difficult to simply accept that I have been forgiven, and to give myself another chance.  But I am realizing that by endlessly embracing the sackcloth and ashes, by failing to extend to myself the forgiveness I give so willingly to others, I am outside of the grace God offers so freely to me.

God gave us the ultimate second chance.  Jesus exchanged his perfection for our sinfulness.  By refusing to forgive myself for being less than I want to be, I am throwing his gift back at him.  False humility fools no one, especially God.  He knows better than anyone how little we deserve, so if we accept anything from him, we should accept all of it with gratitude and embrace the love we are offered.

This week, I am going to focus on the preparation and sacrifice Jesus made for my forgiveness, and I'm going to accept the gift as given in humble thankfulness.  I am going to try to let go of the arrogance that prompts me to refuse his gracious offering, and I'm going to tear down the barriers which keep him from clearing away the darkness that hides my soul.

There is an old saying that charity begins at home.  I am going to give myself a little bit of what I so willingly offer to others, and forgive myself for my failures as I accept the forgiveness of my Savior.  As I journey towards the cross this Lenten season, I am accepting the change that God Is within me.  There's room on the road for you, too.  Please join me in this hard journey.  The load will be lighter if we do it together.

Wishing you a week of peace and blessings in the shadow of the cross, and the promise of the Resurrection.