Forgiveness is for me....

When my children were young, they would occasionally get into a battle of words.  Physical wounds were never serious, but verbal damage could come quickly and cut deeply.  After one of these episodes, I would make them each go to their rooms to contemplate the mess they had made, and to figure out how to make it right.

The answer always involved two steps.  The first was an apology from the one who instigated the wrong doing.  The second was to actively forgive the one who apologized.  It was not optional for this to occur, and they would remain incarcerated in their rooms until they were ready to play the game, whether they meant it or not.

My daughter was always pragmatic.  She liked to play, and didn't want to be stuck in her room unless it was her choice, so she usually apologized very quickly and forgave easily (if not entirely sincerely!) in order to move on with her fun.

But my son was made of sterner stuff.  On more than one occasion, he resentfully pointed out that he didn't mean it when I made him apologize, so from his perspective, it was a useless thing to do.  Equally, if he wasn't in the mood it was foolish, in his mind, to say he forgave, when he was obviously still harboring resentment.  My explanation that eventually he would mean it did not satisfy him, and we had the same discussion many times over the years.

As they grew up, the process changed, not in action, but in essence.  The apologies came more easily, and the forgiveness became almost automatic.  As they matured, they started to understand the truth behind the courtesies.  It wasn't about making anyone else feel better.  It was really about allowing them to heal themselves and move on.

Matthew 18 is a difficult chapter of the Bible.  It is loaded with contradictions, full of seemingly conflicting advice, centered on forgiveness yet castigating wrongdoing.  The chapter contains both a stern warning against willful sin and an extravagant exhortation to forgive.  How do we reconcile these two opposing instructions?

It is impossible to take one verse of this chapter in isolation and make sense of the whole, because, like a coin, there are two sides to this story.  I think you have to see them both to understand what Jesus was saying.

Jesus was human.  He understood, from the human perspective, what happens to those who are weak.  Faith is not to be taken for granted.  We all have fragile, vulnerable moments where our faith is at risk.  But despite our frailties, God wants each one of us in his fold.  He is calling out each name, asking every single person to purely and simply believe in him and seek eternity in the presence of our creator.

Jesus saw the worst of people, as well, and thus understood that there are those who seek to destroy, to damage, to wound and to injure.  It is powerful to influence the thoughts and feelings of others.  As humans, we are swayed by the euphoria of control, seeking our will rather than what is best or right for those we are influencing.

Satan will enter our hearts with the slightest crack in the facade.  He will wiggle and worm his way in and wheedle with us, hoping that somehow he will gain entrance to our vulnerable hearts, pulling us away from our source of salvation.  Through us, through our negative, hurtful actions, Satan will fulfill his desire for power in the face of God.  Nowhere is this more true than in the matter of faith.

In Matthew 18, Jesus is giving each one of us a warning.  There are serious consequences when a faithful person is led astray, not only for the one who falters, but particularly for the one who leads.  The sheep who wanders can be rescued, but the one who leads the sheep down the wrong path will suffer even greater disaster for the willful sinfulness.

In Matthew 18:7 we read:

"Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble!  Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come!"

Dire words, meant to remind us that we are accountable for our actions and behavior, especially when the faith of another is involved.  Now contrast that with Matthew 18:21-22, where we read:

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me?  Up to seven times?'  Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

So this, then, is the other side of the coin.  His earlier words were not to everyone else. They weren't a promise of the punishment that will be rained down upon those with whom we are angry or estranged, a sort of divine karma that we will get to watch and enjoy.  Jesus was speaking to each one of us, personally and individually, and warning us about the dangers in our own actions.

To truly turn back the power of Satan, we must not allow him entry into our heart.  We have to let go of our anger, our hurt, our injury, and look to God for our comfort.  We are not alone in our distress - God is here, and he knows our pain.  We are not the arbiter of our own salvation, and God will make everything right.  We are not in control, and by submitting our desire for justice to God, we are allowing our hearts the opportunity to let go of all that is wresting us away from his holy presence.

I struggle with trust, and I struggle with forgiveness, especially when someone has willfully wronged me.  Like most humans, I want the world to be fair.  When I am misunderstood, unfairly judged, lied about, or wronged in some way by another, I want retribution, not peace.  I am not always as inclined to reconciliation as I should be - sometimes I want to sulk and harbor ill will, not because it makes me feel better, but because I am flawed.

But Jesus is warning me that allowing my heart to be guided by anger or hurt is opening the door to Satan and welcoming him in for a visit.  It is exciting at first, but not really in my best interests for all of eternity.  And there is great danger in giving entrance to the evil one, because he will spread his evil through me if I let him.

God has a perfect plan for my life, just as he does for every person.  His plan does not include anger, hatred or sinfulness towards others.  That is my plan, my choice, my willfulness.  To truly be in God's will, I have to let go of my human weaknesses and cling to the one true thing upon which my faith is built, the power and blood of my God and Savior.

Nothing is stronger than the love of the God who created my very being.  Trusting him to protect me from evil is a leap of faith, but the only true shield from the storms of life.  With God as my armor, I need nothing else.