Words...

"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

A silly child's rhyme, but so very wrong.  Time and again, we see how words do dig their way deep into a person's psyche, doing damage as they become entrenched in the mind.  Physical injuries heal, but the mental and emotional distress caused by thoughtless, or worse yet, intentionally hurtful words lasts forever.

I learned this painful lesson very young, at my father's funeral.  One of the hardest days of my life, from which my mind has mercifully blocked most of the details, yet I remember as vividly as if it were yesterday some of the most careless words people have ever uttered to me.  It changed my relationship with those people for all time.  I was never able to see them the same way again, because of the additional pain they thoughtlessly inflicted on me.  It wasn't intentional - I realize that now, as an adult, although I didn't then.  They simply didn't know what to say, and they cast around for something, instead of simply remaining quiet and giving me a hug or telling me they cared.  Instead of comfort, they had to fill the quiet space, thereby inflicting further injury, and those words, much as I wish I could remove them from my head, will not go away.  Words hurt.  And the damage is forever.

This is not a new problem.  Words have always been used to incite and create havoc.  Phrases such as "fighting words" have been around forever.  Arguments have created injury since time began.  From families splintering in the heat of a moment when words are said that cannot be unheard, to people massacred in their place of worship, words are the common denominator.  Because of words, and the hate they incite, people are damaged, even killed.  A simple word indeed.

In Psalm 140:3 (NIV) we read:

They make their tongues as sharp as a serpent’s; the poison of vipers is on their lips.

These Biblical words remind us that our sharp tongue is not only a danger to ourselves, but to others we lead astray as well.  Harboring hate poisons the soul, and spreading that hate through our words poisons us all.

Think before you speak.  If in doubt, don't say it.  You will never regret the words you left unsaid, but you will certainly regret something stupid you said in haste.  These words are my life mantra, the words I live by and act upon.

I have often heard from people that I am a good listener.  It is not an accident.  I learned early that saying nothing is preferable to saying the wrong thing, and I have acted on that knowledge throughout my life.  Abraham Lincoln famously said,

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

He is right.  In this age of constant interaction, where words can be thoughtlessly spewed to the entire world in a matter of seconds, we should be even more, not less, conscious of the impact of our words.  Words are the start of every single incident, big or small, which occurs.  You can uplift or tear down with words.  You can inspire or deflate with your words.  You can make the world a better place, or you can cause unbelievable destruction with your words.

I have my own strategy to guard my tongue (always a tough job, given my sarcastic nature.)  It is very easy for me to snap out a "witty" remark which I may find humorous, but which other people often do not.  Each time I am in doubt about whether I should say something or not, I ask myself some self-critical questions:

1. Do I want to speak because by not doing so that person will be injured, or do I want to speak because I want to benefit myself in some way?  In other words, is my motivation to be helpful to them or to me?
2. Will this matter to me in six months?  If not, why do I feel the need to share it?
3. Will remaining silent harm them in some way?  Or does the benefit to them outweigh the risk to our relationship?

Asking myself these questions has stopped me from saying the wrong thing more times than I can count, especially when I examine my motivation for saying it in the first place.  Words live forever, especially in this social media world we inhabit now.  When I was a little girl, my mother often told me,

"Think before you speak."

Those words were an important lesson then.  They are even more important now.  Use your words wisely.  Our future depends on it.