The gift of love...

I recently remarked to an acquaintance that divorce is a death, not only of a marriage, but of a way of life.  The pain and disruption that divorce causes is, in fact, the pain of death, and the process of recovery is the process of grief.  I find it curious that while we recognize every other passage through life with a ceremony of some kind, when a marriage ends, when a family is torn asunder, we say nothing.  Except for the court documents and the notice in the newspaper, it is barely acknowledged.

By not talking about divorce, not recognizing the significance of the grief and destruction in the lives of those affected, we are shortchanging those who are gathered around the family casket.  To overlook those struggling with this grief is unfair, and to expect immediate healing is both unreasonable and unsound.  It takes time to recuperate from a death, and divorced people are struggling with the grief and pain of the loss they have suffered.

People are often surprised when I point out that as a single woman, I am on the outside of society looking in much of the time.  Although I have never felt intentionally excluded by those who care about me, couples naturally have someone - there is an automatic partner to do things with.  It is easy and fun to make spontaneous decisions to socialize, or even just to have a deeper level conversation about something that is on your mind, because you have a person right there in front of you.

For single people, the dynamic is very different.  I have to make an effort to connect with someone.  It is complicated to navigate the world of duality on your own.  Being a third, fifth, seventh wheel gets old, even for the most confirmed of singletons.  It becomes increasingly easy to stop making the effort and simply withdraw, not because you have been excluded, but because it is just too much work.

For children, divorce leaves lasting scars which often follow people through their life.  The cynicism regarding marriage is pervasive, and the fear of commitment can doom a relationship before it even begins.  The guilt of hurting your children further complicates the deep feelings of grief most parents experience during a divorce, and it all becomes a confusing mess if you try to rush the process to emerge on the other side

I have thought a lot about this recently, because I have reveled so greatly in my alone-ness the last few years.  I recognize that God created Adam and Eve, one for the other, because men and women are not ultimately meant to live in isolation.  It is an unexpected revelation for me, as I have been, and continue to be, quite satisfied with the single life.

But God does not intend for us to be alone in this world.  He has provided us with other people to support and encourage us in our daily walk, to stand in for him in human form when times are hard, and to share our delight when joyful events occur.  I have realized in fresh ways recently that God does provide exactly the people you need when you allow him to direct your path.  For those who struggle with separation, whether divorce or death, God has brought these people into our lives to stand in the gap where the spouse is no longer found.

In 2 Corinthians 13:11, we read,

"Finally, brothers and sisters rejoice!  Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace.  And the God of love and peace will be with you." (TNIV)

Restoration comes at it's own pace, but if you are struggling with the wounds of divorce, rest assured you are not on your own.  God has given you people who love you to be there in person, sharing the load and lightening the weight.  Through them, you will find his grace and peace, and he will be there, strengthening your spirit and your soul.

God is found wherever two or three of his people are gathered together.  In God's time, there is no better reason to offer the gift of love, and there is no more compelling reason to accept that love. It is there for all of us, if we look at what we have been given, instead of what has been lost.

Wishing you God's love and peace.