On Humility

In Job 24:22, we read,

"But God drags away the mighty by his power; though they become established, they have no assurance of life."  (NIV)

This week, I have learned a lesson in humility that I didn't know I needed.  God, in his infinite power and wisdom, saw the weakness within me, and in a moment of time, impressed upon me how insignificant is the control which I wield over my own life and circumstance.

We are arrogant, we humans, thinking that we control our own destinies.  We make plans, we have itineraries, we notify people and warn them to make arrangements.  We set expectations for ourselves and others as if we are guaranteed tomorrow.  How quickly it can all change, even when we are (relatively) young and healthy, and when there is no reason to think that we will not be able to carry through on our expectations.

I had a lot of plans this past week.  I had so much to do, so many things to accomplish.  I am leaving on a trip soon, a trip of a lifetime, to a far away land that I never dreamed I would really get to visit.  I am thrilled and excited, and I had my days timed to the minute so that I would be able to accomplish everything I needed to do before I left.

Instead, I found myself lying on the floor unable to move, looking up at some cobwebs taunting me high on the ceiling, and realized I have no control at all.  Whatever plans I have made, whatever path I have chosen, all can be swept aside in a moment if it is not in accordance with God's plan for me.  Whatever blessings I have been given can be torn from me in an instant if God so chooses.  If God wants to end my life here and now, he can.  If God wants to take away all the bounty he has given me, he can.  God is all powerful.  God is all knowing.  God is the only one that can chart a course for me that I can truly count on.  Everything that I have done on my own is for naught if God has a different agenda.

I am humbled.  Not the false humility of my childhood training, downplaying what I know I actually have accomplished.  Not the humility of self-doubt, which is, in its own way, another form of arrogance.  The humility that has been forced upon me this week came with a high price, but its value is beyond everything to me.

I am God's child.  He is in complete control.  Nothing, absolutely nothing I do can make anything happen unless it is in God's will.  I have been arrogant in thinking that I was large and in charge of my own existence.  I have foolishly reveled in the fact that I was alone and thought I answered to no one.  With my children grown and living their own lives, I made the plan, I controlled the journey.  I.  I.  I.

In the hours I laid on the floor with the room spinning around me uncontrollably, my life changed completely.  My understanding of my place in God's universe suddenly shifted.  I draw each breath because God chooses for me to do so.  I drive safely here and there because God allows me the ability to see and process and think and react.  I work or play or eat or sleep because it is in God's will for those things to happen.  When things go according to plan, it is, in fact, God's plan that is being fulfilled, not mine.

I am humbled by a God that cares about me enough to pull me up short and remind me of my importance to him.  By taking away the control, by allowing me to struggle and depend on others this week, by forcing me to surrender to his will instead of my own, I have been given the greatest gift of love that can be received.

I am God's, and he is mine.  It is that simple.

I have nothing except by his gracious endowment.  The faith we place in temporal blessings or our own self-determination is but a grain of sand in the vast ocean of God's graciousness, and can be swept away as easily as the waves washing over the beach.

And yet, that all powerful, almighty, all knowing God has chosen to bestow upon me a life of love and friendship and blessing and adventure that is entirely unearned and undeserved.  How richly I have been blessed to be so forcefully reminded of my worth to him.  How loved I am to have to depend on the dearest of friends so graciously and lovingly provided for me for so many years.  How fortunate I am that this happened in God's time, and that I will still be able to do what I am so looking forward to doing.  I have faith that everything that needed to be done will still get done.  It's in God's plan, and I am turning it all over to him.  He knows the needs, and he will provide.

This week has been a difficult blessing.  Although my plans were upended, and my course, which I had so carefully charted, had to be cast aside, I have received a multitude of riches I couldn't have even imagined.  I spent time with dear friends that I wouldn't have had otherwise.  I found a new aspect of my faith that I would never have known without being knocked off course.  I have a new understanding of my value to God and my importance in his universe, both small and large.  Although from the temporal point of view I have been deprived, from the spiritual perspective, I have received blessings beyond measure.

Today I understand in a new way how unworthy I am of God's gracious love and sacrifice.  And yet, that sacrifice was made for me.  There is truly no greater love than the love of my God for me.

I wish for each reader a moment of humility in your week, so that you, too, can feel the true love and delight of your Creator in you.  It is a blessing beyond compare, from a God who loves us beyond understanding.