Fathers Day thoughts....

Never underestimate the power of a praying mother.  

Hannah prayed for her son Samuel, and her words resonate for me today.  In 1 Samuel 1:27  we read:

For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me the petition that I made to him.

I am sure my mother spent a lot of time in prayer, between my brother and me, over the years.  Our lives have not been smooth journeys, and I am sure she worried plenty and those knees got a workout.  But she remained steadfast and faithful, and hopefully, at the age of 95, she feels her prayers were answered.

So what does this have to do with Father's Day, which we are celebrating today?  After all, fathers are very important, and they deserve a day to be celebrated and honored.  And I had a wonderful father for the first years of my life - none better.  People still remember him as an involved, active parent, a fun guy to be around, a ready help in time of trouble, a great person all around.  It is a comfort to know that he is remembered this way, especially since over the last 50 years, my memories of him have faded somewhat.

But not everyone gets to have that, or at least not as long as they needed.  And for those of us who, for one reason or another, didn't get to have a father or didn't get him long enough, I think we should honor those who stood in for him, because that is what we have, and it is important to us.

In my case, that was my mother.  When my dad died, my mother was left to pick up the baton of raising me on her own and carry it across the finish line (I think she is still carrying it, because I'm not sure I'm there yet.)  Although I had other people in my life who stood in for dad in various ways, it was really my mother who was both mother and father to me, and I honor her today for her efforts.

It wasn't easy, I'm sure, to withstand the teenaged tantrums, the angst and anger, the hurt and pain and distance that sometimes came between us.  But she was strong and never once failed in her unconditional love for me, something for which I am eternally grateful.  (Something that she continued to model for me as a single mom dealing with my own teenagers on a similar emotional rollercoaster.)

But today, what I am thinking about is her incredible gift of love to me as I finished my journey to adulthood; allowing me to remember my dad as perfect, even knowing he was not.  (He was close, but no one is perfect, and certainly my mother had to know that better than anyone.)  In the 49 years since his death, never once has my mother said anything about my dad that was not loving and respectful and sincere and genuine, and my appreciation goes deep and wide and long.  

How hard it must have been at times, when I was longing for him, and angry at her for no good reason other than that she was there and he wasn't, to remain calm and loving and devoted to his memory.  Surely she must have wanted, at least once in awhile, to remind me that he was human and imperfect and she was doing the best she could, and it is impossible to compete with a ghost who never has to make unpopular rules or discipline or have any concrete expectations.  

But she didn't.  She allowed me the time and the space and the safety to maintain the illusion of perfection until I didn't need it any more, and I will never be able to thank her enough.  She carried her burdens with such grace and honor, and I don't think she even worried about whether I would ever fully understand her sacrifices.  (For the record, I probably don't, and I know it.)

Today is a day to honor fathers, and I loved mine deeply and completely and to this day, and I honor him both in memory, and in trying to live in a way that would make him proud every single day.  But for me, it is also a day to honor those who stand in the gap, who carry that baton even when they would give anything not to, who pray for the soul of the child who is struggling through their loss, whatever form it takes.

Happy Father's Day to all the wonderful fathers out there.  Rest assured you are making a deep impact on the lives of your children, and you are irreplaceable.  And wishing a happy Father's Day to all those people, men and women, who have taken on a fatherly role and provided to a child what their own father was unable to give them.  You are invaluable, and are loved and thought of today.