Indiscretions...

Disclaimer:  This has nothing to do with my current church setting, so don't get the wrong idea!  It is something I have pondered for a very long time, and I'm just sharing thoughts about my own journey to truth in love.

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One of the most disappointing things that can happen in a faith setting is when someone who should be absolutely trustworthy turns out not to be.  That is magnified when the truth is something few people know, and can't be shared outside of that small group, while the offender appears not to be held accountable for anything they say or do.  It feels like the person who broke the trust gets off scot free, while those who know of the indiscretion suffer.  How do you let go of that anger and that pain, caused by someone who appears unrepentant?  That question has been on my mind the last few hours.  It is a relevant question, because those people are all around us, whether we know it or not.

People break our trust all the time.  Usually it is small indiscretions, such as forgetting lunch with a friend (guilty and felt so bad,) white lies (we all do it, and it is probably wrong but so very easy to justify,) being short with our spouse or children (not me,) or something else that really doesn't matter.  At most, you have hurt feelings, a brief conversation about it, apologies, and its forgotten.

But there are also big indiscretions, which are not so easily overcome, especially in the faith setting.  When a pastor breaks the trust of the congregation by having an affair, abusing alcohol or drugs, talking about what a parishioner told them in confidence to others, or even their own mental health problems leading them to make poor personal decisions, those breaches cause ripples, and they are painful to those who know, as well as those who don't.  And generally, unless you are part of the leadership, you probably won't have the full story, which is a whole other scenario again.  Churches are notorious for their grapevine gossip, but grapevines are about as reliable as a game of telephone.

This is magnified yet again when the pastor is actually fired for cause.  The entire congregation will be involved in some way, and some details have to be released.  People know something serious is going on, usually far in advance, but are scant on facts, because its a personnel issue as well as a congregational one.  Gossip runs rampant, and truth tends to be in short supply.  People come down on one side or the other, and everyone digs into their own trench.  Ultimately, when the pastor goes, so do some of his flock, and the church is fractured.

It can be a real struggle to let go of the painful impact, whatever your place in the wounded organization, as you realize that the person you thought you knew turns out to be someone else altogether.  And if you are one who knows the full truth, that knowledge walls you off from those who do not know - imposing on you a trust that you now can't breach, despite the cause of the whole trouble being free to say whatever to whomever they wish.  Its a mess, and its a far reaching mess, especially in a large congregation. 

I have seen this very scenario play out first hand, and the pain is long lasting for everyone involved.  Years later, I am still asking questions about more than one situation in which I was on the outside looking in, cognizant of bits and pieces, and wondering how the ship of faith got so badly run aground by the captain who should have been the congregational protector instead of the perpetrator of the whole mess.

The answer hit me this morning when I happened to read Psalm 62:1-2 (HCSB):

I am at rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from Him.
 He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my stronghold; I will never be shaken.

There is only one being that is entirely trustworthy, binding himself to us in loving assurance, offering us the salvation that cannot be shaken.  If we have a meaningful relationship with someone, trust will eventually be broken in some way.  We are human, and we cannot help ourselves.  God alone provides the rock on which our faith must rest.  No human being can carry that load.  When you put your faith in a person, your trust will eventually be shattered.  When you put your faith in God, you will have the peace and confidence that comes with his perfect assurance, whatever the earthly travails will be.

I am at rest in God alone.  He alone is my rock and my salvation.  I will never be shaken.

With love from your sister in Christ.